Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

Take a break from GPS related topics. Share a joke or just chit chat.

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kissnight
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Re: Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

#831 Post by kissnight » Mon Oct 28, 2013 9:57 pm

Image

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

#832 Post by kissnight » Mon Oct 28, 2013 10:05 pm

Senior’s BMW
A senior citizen bought a brand new BMW Z4 convertible and drove it out of the salesroom.

Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 120 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M4, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 140 mph, then 150 mph.

Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old man, looked very seriously at the Policeman and replied, "Years ago my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

#833 Post by kissnight » Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:36 am

Three Wishes
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!".
So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?".

The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.".

Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes."
"OK, you've got that too."

"My last wish is a million dollars!".
The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me."

"OK then, if that's what it takes..."

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?"
"I'm 27", she replies

"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

#834 Post by moeyHC » Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:32 pm

Welcome back Sista... you're dearly missed!
MSM Glossary/Index - viewtopic.php?p=57986#p57986

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Re: Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

#835 Post by kissnight » Fri Jun 27, 2014 3:17 pm

moeyHC wrote:Welcome back Sista... you're dearly missed!
:muak:
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Re: Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

#836 Post by civic98 » Sun Jul 27, 2014 10:50 am

kissnight wrote:
moeyHC wrote:Welcome back Sista... you're dearly missed!
Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2007 12:14 am
Posts: 108
Location: Kuala Lumpur
GPS: Nuvi 205W, Nuvi 710, iPhone, 2 cats

:muak:
Can't help noticing sis kissnight's GPS includes 2 cats.. :rofl:

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Re: Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

#837 Post by kissnight » Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:30 pm

Hahahahah... Meowww... meow... :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

#838 Post by jaguar » Sun Jul 27, 2014 6:45 pm

Bravo.... She/he has been one of the most persistent contributors on this thread .... I read quietly :-$
Look on the bright side ya? :muak:

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Re: Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

#839 Post by kissnight » Tue Jul 29, 2014 11:30 pm

Gun Accident
A guy was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his​ ​doctor.

"Well, sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is​ ​that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly" answered the doctor.​ ​"She's a flute player in the Sydney Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Laughter Is The Best Medicine - Part 2

#840 Post by kissnight » Tue Jul 29, 2014 11:59 pm

Golf Pro
A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro.

When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball. She does. The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right. The golf pro says to the woman, "I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip."

When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, "Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband's "club". When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing." She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards.

The golf pro says to the woman, "That is unbelievable, I didn't think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem... How are we going to get that golf club out of your mouth?"


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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